Do You Listen or Do You Hear?

By : Alistair Horscroft
Submitted 2009-06-17 07:02:27

Lets start this article with a a simple question: "When approached by a colleague, family member or staff member with a problem are you a talker, interrogator or a listener?

With a bit of self awareness it's not hard to see which one we are: Talkers do just that, they just talk.... and talk........and talk. Talkers put up with others speaking just long enough for them to be able to unload what it is they want to say, normally their opinion on to the other person.
Talkers wait for an pause in the conversation so they can say something. Talkers often fake listening just so that they can say something. Talkers speak at people, they do not connect. Obviously talkers are a joy to be around (joke) Talkers most likely have very noisy internal dialogue/self talk. They often either have a misplaced sense of their own importance/sense of rightness or a deep lack of self worth that is overcompensated for by all the talk. They are most often uncomfortable with silence.

Interrogators don't stop asking questions, it's like being with the Spanish inquisition. They want to know everything, every detail, they want to make sure that all the t's are crossed and the i's are dotted as they find out more. Interrogators don't really want to listen, instead they want to gather information for there own self interest. Interrogators often live in a world of hyper comparison, they want to make sure that no one has anything over them. Interrogators often have significant insecurities and believe that by finding out all about you they can assess you correctly, label you and put you in a convenient box (that suits their map of the world). Many people learn that asking questions is a great communication skill, which is true - however there is a very big difference between asking questions out of genuine interest and asking them to satisfy once own psychological complexities and personal insecurities!

Listeners genuinely listen, they want, out of no ulterior motive, to fully understand the other persons needs. Listeners have a well developed sense of self, they respect others opinions, experiences and ideas without judgement. Listeners are able to create a safe environment where others are able to open up and truly be themselves. Listeners have no desire for fake relationships or communication and therefore want others to be themselves as any other form of communication becomes boring and meaningless to them. The Listener is able to create deep trust with others quickly as well as motivate others to talk and share information. Listeners are comfortable with silence and have no need to talk for the sake of it. Listeners truly hear. To create the space where someone actually feels heard is one of the great gifts that you can give to another - it is a rare thing, but a skill worth mastering. To learn to hear is to have mastered one of the most important skills we can for in doing so we provide ourself with proof that we have worked through many of our own personal insecurities and issues. We become more selfless.

Listen to people the way you want to be listened to, and you too will start to feel heard.

8 Barriers To Masterful Listening

1. Doing something else while the person is talking.
2. Waiting (barely) for a pause before jumping in.
3. The need to say something. The inability to remain quiet.
4. Fake listening, something you have to do so that you can talk.
5. Selective listening.
6. Listening only to words rather that the complete person (unconscious signals such as body language and tonality).
7. Easily distracted, can you remain focuses through distractions?
8. Can you be free from judgement - can you dissolve your own world view and personal opinions to remain present?

Article provided by Alistair Horscroft, Director The Mind Institute.
Author Resource:- http://www.themindinstitute.com.au

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Hypnotherapy & NLP

Hypnosis is a trance or sleep like state of the mind, and in this state the individual is open to suggestions and directions, and the mind being in a relaxed state is focused and clear. Hypnotherapy is successfully used to address various problems like addiction to tobacco and alcohol, obesity, insomnia, relief from pain and various kinds of phobias and complexes. People grapple with problems and fears in their day to day life and certain phobias like fear of flying, fear of crowded places, fear of insects etc. can complicate life and can cause much embarrassment. Hypnotherapy is a method to relax the mind and shift focus from the particular issue, and over the sessions the therapy can invoke mental and physical changes, and train the mind to deal better with tensions.

The state of hypnosis differs from sleep as the person can hear the therapist during the session. The mind is focused, though peripheral awareness is low, and the Alpha brain wave level which is low during sleep is found to be high during hypnosis. Hypnotizability varies from person from person, and it is found that the level does not change over a period of time. Those with high level of hypnotizability are good subjects as they are more open to suggestions, and they change easily for the better. However high level of hypnotizability is not the same thing as submissiveness, and good subjects are found to be strong, imaginative and independent individuals. The state of hypnosis can be self induced, or can be brought about by a therapist, and generally during the process the focus is shifted from the present place and time to another place and time to facilitate the therapy. Mind, body and spirit together work in this process.

Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP is a method of inducing self talk and thereby creating a positive attitude in the person. This method exploits the way neurology and language comes together to create experience. Brain is always giving you messages, and self talk always goes on, but only if this talk is positive can one realize his goals. Though in most of them positive self talk is an instinctive phenomenon, it has to be inculcated in those with a pessimistic bent of mind. NLP help you to handle failures better, and assists you handle the impediments in your way to success, as it influences the process of thought and understanding in an individual and thereby the behavior. NLP is a way to self exploration, communicating the spiritual side, and the discovery of a new, much better person altogether.

Sometimes the cause of a particular phobia or complex is not apparent, and could be the result of a thought embedded in the sub-consciousness. An insecurity of the childhood could become manifest as the fear of flying, and addressing this insecurity and shifting focus from it through hypnotherapy can root out the cause of the fear, and help the individual gain confidence to board a plane. In many cases solving an obvious problem can solve many other smaller problems, and improve the quality of life in general.

Hypnotherapy and NLP provide you with practical tools and skills which help you achieve your ambitions and goals, both in life and business. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kay_Gill